For as long as I can remember, I’ve always had a slight problem with wanting to control everything.
It doesn’t matter if it’s something small, like where to put the scissors away in the kitchen cupboards, or something much larger, like which car I should buy or what type of charity I should invest in; for some reason, I’ve always been just a little crazy about, well, everything.
Lately, I have been struggling with an illness that just won’t kick itself out of my body. I had been making plans for weeks to go to Disney with some friends, but a stupid little bug decided to burrow its way into my body and make its home.
In the midst of my overbearing self, I immediately found myself doubting why this was happening to me.
If God were so good to me, why did He allow me to get sick?
If He were all powerful, why couldn’t He prevent this from happening?
Above all else, didn’t He want health and wealth for me, and to bless me like He says in Psalm 5:12?
As my mind tumbled out of control, one simple verse kept resonating through my mind like a pulsating drum or an earthquake begging to be noticed: “be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).
Louder and louder it roared until it was the only thing I could think about.
And then, suddenly it clicked! Even in the middle of my suffering, completely bedridden and having to miss a week’s worth of work at probably the worst possible time in the fiscal year, God was working.
He knew that even though I really wanted to go to Disney, right now, right this very week, was the perfect time to get sick. It took me a while, but then I began to think about it: next week I have my bridal shower and I’ll be traveling over 1,000 miles to go back to my hometown, Columbus, Ohio.
I will be meeting my two-month-old nephew for the first time, getting to catch up with friends, and also have my first dress alterations appointment.
Truly friends, if I had gotten sick just a few days later, I wouldn’t be able to go to any of this.
So, as I sit here writing and thinking about how much I want my chest congestion to go away, I will be thankful; I will be patient; and remember, friends, these words still hold true when we are on our knees crying out from the bottom of constricted lungs, or heartbreak, or any other chain grasping at our lives:
“Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished.” (Luke 1:45)
Take each day as it comes. Be grateful for the exceptional days, the good days, and the bad days. God is working when we can’t see it, but that doesn’t mean we should stop believing in His power.