Desperation can be just what you need right now.
Or maybe it’s what you already have.
These dry bones have been crying out to God so fiercely I am often afraid He’s getting annoyed with me. Wedding planning is zooming past the speed limit and my brakes aren’t working at all; what I think I most fear is the terrifying notion that as soon as we get married my emotions will come crashing down and that postpartum depression of “it’s all over” sets in, never to leave my heart again.
If you’re anything like me, you know how it feels to be dreaming about your wedding your entire life. Over and over again the scene replays in your mind of when the church doors open and you stride down the aisle on the arm of your father, catching that first glimpse of your handsome groom and his shock of the image of his beautiful bride.
And then the curtains close. Your dream is finally a reality, and then in the blink of an instant, it’s gone. Oh friends, how I fear the heartbreak of my soul when that day comes!
Let’s be honest: fear is something many of us struggle with our entire lives. It has consumed us to the point of mental breakdowns, backstage meltdowns, and paralyzed us so strongly that our feet feel glued to the floor. There ain’t no way anyone can move us from that spot!
In those moments one of the most common places I find myself is in the posture of desperation in the presence of God. However, I have also found that right in the thick of that heart-aching, soul-quenching attempt to reach out to Him when I knew I should have been conversing with Him all along, this is the place where I experience the most spiritual growth.
While yes, it does totally suck to have to experience those nasty chapters in our lives, it can be the remedy to our fears. Forcing myself to bring my desperation to the Lord pushes out fear in such a drastic way that the only thing left to permeate my heart is faith.
Over the past few weeks, I have teamed up with women at Linworth Road Church to walk through a Beth Moore study entitled “The Quest: An Excursion Toward Intimacy with God”. And let me tell you, only being two weeks in, I can feel a revival brimming and bubbling across the edges of my mind just waiting to explode into a full-blown revelation!
As I was listening to session 2 of the series, I slowly began to observe the raw emotions and thought-provoking words of Beth Moore; her openness and vulnerability, combined with the message presented at church recently, gave me one earth-shattering glimpse into not only what I had been experiencing for the past fourteen months, but it also shone light on how God wants us to treat a season of waiting, especially in the midst of fear.
In 1st and 2nd Samuel, we see David waiting to become King over all Israel. He has received the ultimate blessing of the Lord: the anointing as God’s chosen King over His chosen Kingdom.
Pastor Nick Carruthers makes an incredible point that unfolds right smack in the middle of the story: throughout all of David’s waiting, no matter the circumstances he was presented, he refused to take the crown for himself by force. His relationship with God was unwavering and because of this, his strength was constantly renewed.
He had plenty of opportunities to steal Saul’s crown but he continually resisted. And that, my friends, takes an unearthly amount of faith.
In his life, David saw and knew that God would be faithful. While Saul made it his mission to chase after and kill David, that did not inspire David to kill Saul. In fact, when Saul did die, David actually lamented for him, one of his own enemies! And he didn’t just do this once, but twice in the first five chapters of 2 Samuel.
In the midst of great adversity and danger, David cried out to the Lord. He was desperate to hear from God and to find refuge because he couldn’t find it anywhere else.
He needed protection, and as he continued to flee, he praised God for His great love and loyalty to him, a servant that Scripture calls “a man after God’s own heart”.
David wasn’t perfect, and even as God’s anointed King, he was still in need of a Savior. David knew this and his faith showed it.
The Psalms paint beautiful pictures of the prayers he whispered in times ranging from the earliest of mornings to the dead of night and everywhere in between. From moments of pure joy to that of tearful mourning, David never stopped communicating with God.
Isn’t this what we all should be doing? Never giving up on our relationship with God?
Yes, it’s going to be difficult. Yes, there are going to be days where all you can think is, “I just want to go to bed. Today was really tough, and I’m exhausted. If I don’t go to bed now I will be even more sleep-deprived for work tomorrow. I’ll just read my Bible or spend time with God sometime tomorrow.”
Isn’t it SO easy for us to fall into that pattern of “I’ll just do it tomorrow, God understands?”
Before I knew it I became prey to this way of thinking; and before I knew it, I was right at the feet of Jesus in another spout of desperation.
Friends, all God wants from us is to have faith and to pursue Him with all our hearts. Where there is faith, there is no room for fear. And where there is fear, there is no room for faith!
How incredible it can be to know God so intimately that it becomes natural to spend time with Him every single day! David did this and poured out his ENTIRE heart to God.
In every circumstance, he made his requests be made known to God. He trusted that God’s promise would be fulfilled, even in those super annoying times of waiting.
Why is it so difficult for us to trust in God during the waiting seasons? It’s because fear creeps into our hearts and settles down. As Beth Moore so famously says, “[fear] is our agitated soul begging for control”. Trust me, if we really had all the control we wanted, NOTHING would go the way we wanted.
A phrase I have recently adopted as my life motto is a simple prayer that can help combat fear: fill me with faith.
And not just any old faith; the faith that moves mountains, trusts in all circumstances, and replenishes my heart so abundantly that there is not a single square foot of room for fear. It tilts my posture to that of worship and compels me to lean on God entirely, even in the midst of waiting.
So today, choose to cry out to God in the midst of your waiting. And choose to be desperate: desperate for faith.